When I woke up this morning, things were lookin' bad Seem like total silence was the only friend I had Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down, and won And it was twelve o'clock before I realized I was havin' no fun Ah, but fortunately I have the key to escape reality And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun Last time I checked my bankroll It was gettin' thin Sometimes it seems like the bottom Is the only place I've been I chased a rainbow down a one-way street dead end And all my friends turned out to be insurance salesmen Ah, but fortunately I have the key to escape reality And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun Well, I sat down in my closet with all my ovealls Tryin' to get away from all the ears iside my walls I dreamed the police heard everything I thought, what then? Well I went to court and the judge's name was Hoffman Ah, but fortunately I have the key to escape reality And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun Well done, hot dog bun, my sister's a nun